Today was productive. Today I paid a bill, hung up my wall decor, and finished laundry. That’s productive for me.
Today I also scraped my ex mother in law’s face off of some glass. Does that sound a little dark? It surprisingly didn’t give me feelings of any kind. I’ve been putting it off for quite some time; I moved into this apartment almost two months ago and have been unpacked for about half that time.
It took me a while to go through some of the more sentimental stuff. Pictures, poems, letters. When I got around to the pictures, some of them had been in the same frame for so long that I could only peel part of the print from the frame glass...and that is how my ex mother in law’s face ended up against my living room wall for the better part of a month.
But today, I scraped it all of. It took all of my rubbing alcohol and several hours, but now the last photo I took with my great grandmother stands in its place with scrap material as its backing.
It wasn’t hard for me to move on, honestly, not as hard as other people have described leaving their significant others. I suppose the fact that he was the one that kicked me out had something to do with that...and that I couldn’t find the strength or energy to take care of him constantly the way he needed. There was no growing from his mistakes, no fixing his actions and behaviors to help our problems. I was always expected by him and his family to conform with his impossible contours. Even a contortionist would have found it difficult.
I expected that scrubbing free her face from the frame glass would either be incredibly satisfying, or mildly upsetting. I made the choice not to go back to him, but it was still hard for me to throw out all of the memories. However, I didn’t feel a thing today, like it was just another project that needed to be done.
I will never name any names in this blog. As much as I’ve been hurt by certain people, I’d still like to respect their anonymity.
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